With the increase in the rate of women killing their husbands for cheating on them as well as married women harassing their husband’s supposed side chick, Pastor Bisi Adewale, a family and relationship expert has shared some insights into how women should handle their cheating husband instead of killing them and becoming murderers in the process.
Get your facts right, not based on rumours
A lot of women are dying today based on lies, misrepresentation, and rumours about their husbands which may not be true. So, it is advisable to get your facts right. If you hear rumours, investigate it carefully but give your husband the benefit of doubt.
Get your evidence right
You should never accuse your husband wrongly if you don’t have any piece of evidence, it may not be what you think. It can be so hurtful if he is not doing it but he is accused of wrongly. It may even force some men to go ahead and start doing it since they have already been wrongly accused.
Control your emotion
No matter what happens, take control of your emotion, even if you get all the pieces of evidence needed and they are watertight. You should show maturity, even though it may not be easy. That is why marriage is for matured minds only, not babies in diapers. Cry if you feel like, it will help your emotion; it will help you to calm down and think rationally.
Remember killing your husband will get you into serious trouble
You should remember that killing your husband will get you into serious trouble with the law, disrupt your life forever, put you to shame, hurt your children dearly, make you a widow and make your children fatherless. The cost is much more than having him sleep with another woman.
Position yourself to discover infidelity quickly
Lots of women only come to know that their husbands are unfaithful only after his death. If a wife discovers infidelity issues early, the man can be stopped. Some of them need help as they feel trapped but don’t know what to do. No man can be a perfect womanizer beside a very sensitive, Godly and smart wife. There will be clues all around beyond what you are hunting but checking his phones. Also, everybody around the wife will know but may never tell her because they know she may never believe them.
Don’t fall into depression
Some women do not kill their cheating husbands. Instead, they allow suicide thoughts take over. Therefore they kill themselves and sometimes their children just to punish the man for cheating on them.
Cry if you must, it is good for your health. But take care of your thinking, take charge of your mind and don’t allow them to steal your joy. No depression, take charge of your emotion.
Don’t turn it to a battle
As a counsellor, I know that not all women who killed their husbands intended to kill them. The problem is that they allowed their emotions to take the better of them and turn their homes to a battlefield. They used any weapon that came to their mind like knives, pestle, frying pan, bottles, grinding stones and anything that could inflict injury. They turned the battle against themselves in the process and became murderers.
Don’t bottle it
Don’t ever bottle your discovery about your husband. You need to speak out but speak right. If you bottle it, one day you may burst. You may hurt yourself or husband or kill him.
You should confront your husband but do so by applying wisdom. It is not something to handle rashly.
Don’t just blame your husband for sleeping around, check yourself as well. One study shows that 80% of Nigerian married women hate sex. It also showed that sex is what causes the major crisis in Nigerian marriages as lots of wives are frigid. Most married men want sex two or three times a week. However, lots of married women want sex once a month only. It is wrong for any man to sleep around; nobody can justify that for any reason. But it is also wrong to deny your husband sex.
Up your game
You should up your game in every area of as a wife. Cook right, pray rightly, dress right, talk rightly, behave right and sex him rightly. Deal with him till he forgets his surname, he is your husband. What is he looking for outside that you don’t have? But are you giving him? Check yourself and get back to bed hot and sizzling and stop wearing jeans knickers to bed or tying wrapper around your body like a woman of the 17th century.
Check your attitude
An immoral man told me that his wife stresses him at home but those girls treat him with care. This can be true about lots of women. They see the ring as the right over their husbands to treat them like trash and have their ways the way they want it. If you treat your king like trash, you may be enthroning a new queen in your position.
Pray about it
One of the best solutions is prayer. Commit your emotions and the situation to God. Commit your husband to the hands of God before you speak to him.
Don’t leave your home
Don’t make the mistake of leaving your home because you are angry with your husband. If you do, you will just hand over the keys of your home to these small girls. Don’t be tempted to leave.
Reach out to the girl
You may need to reach out to the girl sleeping with your husband in some cases. It can work if the lady never knew he was married but was deceived. However, if the lady is the “private prostitute” type, this may not work, but you can give it a try.
Before you call the girl, investigate her. Check her on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, to check what she is posting, from there; you will get to know the kind of girl she is. If you must talk to the girl, please be cautious. Do not fight, do not shout and do not sound beggarly. The lady may be rude and non-cooperative. Don’t bother, just speak to her conscience.
Talk to a counsellor
Before you confront your husband, you will need to see a counsellor, not your family and his family who will complicate the whole matter. A counsellor will evaluate the whole matter and teach you what to do to get your husband back. So wherever you are, look for a counsellor quickly, don’t die in silence.